crap, poop, faeces, shit, excretion... how many ways can I express thee?

It was a good day today, until i got pooped on... again. Can you believe it? Six times in my life, I got poop on me. Today, I wasn't even sure that it was a bird. I was standing on the street corner, and all of a sudden, it splattered all over. But of the 5 people standing at the street corner, guess who was the ONLY one that got splattered on? At least it's improving now. It wasn't as intense (the smell) or as colorful. And instead of it being on my head or my shoulder, it was only on the back of my jeans. However, I'm going to be in a bad mood until I get something to eat. Bye.