This past Saturday, I was a proud participant of the 2008 Idiotarod - carts of brooklyn. Basically, this race is loosely modelled after an Alaskan dog sled race where 5 dogs pull a sled over a gruelling 1,000-mile trail. This past Saturday, myself and four other friends pushed a shopping cart all over Brooklyn, and I'm proud to report that we completed the 3-mile race in 3 hours and 6 minutes.
The first thing we had to do was to acquire a cart. I choose my words carefully. The thought definitely crossed our minds to steal a cart. However, when it came down to it, I just didn't have the balls to do it. Two nights before the race, we were wandering aimlessly around West Village with no cart and no theme. Didn't find any thrift stores that we could buy outfits at (which was made more challenging because we couldn't agree on a theme). As we wandered towards the Associated, lo and behold, there was a bright, shiny, monster shopping cart sitting outside. We decided to relieve Associated of their Morton Williams cart, and because we didn't have the balls to steal from the Gristedes two minutes away from our apartment, we wheeled the Morton Williams cart over two miles, all the way home. Took about an hour, all because we were DAMN LAW-ABIDING citizens!
We finally agreed on a theme at around 9pm the night before the race, and team Awesomeness transformed into Where's Wally Lost in Harajuku. Unfortunately, four of the five of us decided to party hardy the night before, and so waking up the next morning was just another obstacle to overcome. Chi frantically dragged us out of bed at 9AM! Good grief - I went to sleep at like 5:30am. Anyway, the three of us finally finished decorating the cart and dressing ourselves, and were just in time to welcome the last Harajuku girl at around 11am. Timing was everything.
We finally made it to our first checkpoint at Cherry and Market exactly at noon on the dot. Felt right at home with all the other crazy carts. Apparently, though, the war had already started. There were no rules in this competition. People try to sabotage carts, steal manifestos (basically pieces of papers with stamps that verified a team had passed through a checkpoint), and pelt people with everything possible. Let's see, there were home-made stink bombs, spaghetti, spaghetti with tomato sauce, paint balls, water bombs, eggs... and toast. Not just bread, but toast. Apparently, there was some team that decided to take the effort to toast bread and leave a trail as they ran through New York.
Team Awesomeness started off by cheating. We took a subway to our first checkpoint, which we probably shouldn't have. Probably coulda walked. Anyway, we made it to the checkpoint and joined the rest of the Idiotarod participants in a big open bball field. Saw first sighting of an over-the-top cart. Nay, not a cart, but a truck. This group called themselves Wrestlemania, and instead of a shopping cart, decked out their truck as a wrestling rink. Were going absolutely crazy in the rink for most of the journey, I believe. We managed to get a picture in the end with the skimpiest guy - wearing orange speedos, fake thighs, and long blonde wig.
At that first checkpoint, we attempted to play a couple games, but soon stopped when one member experienced vertigo during the dizzy lizzy portion of our activities. On a bright note, because of facial injuries sustained, we got all four stars very easily! The four stars would've guaranteed a headstart over other teams, except that we were pretty much dead last. hah hah.
Second checkpoint must've been rather unmemorable because it's slipping my mind now, but the instructions for the third checkpoint said "Bend over and take it like a lady". When we got there, we were instructed that we had to get spanked before we could get the location of the next checkpoint. Instead, we bribed them with potato chips and offered Wally up. The freaky deaky Harajuku ladies apparently weren't so kinky afterall.
Fourth checkpoint was where we started chatting with the Hare Krishna group. They had a guy dressed as Krishna who tried to shake our hand. But as he raised his hand, a second hand rose in tandem and freaked the hell out of me. They had dressed their cart up as a sacred cow, and apparently, the ensemble caught the fancy of a REAL hare krishna follower. The guy decided to compete for part of the race with them. hah hah.
At this fourth checkpoint, we had to compete in certain events to get the location of the last checkpoint. This included tug of war, which we won because we cheated. We got reinforcement from the group "Papa drinks coz Mama cries" aka white trash. Umm, during the shopping cart race, Chi and I couldn't even push the shopping cart forward coz it got stuck on a tree trunk. That was weak. But yeah, not one of our more glorious moments.
By the final checkpoint, I think we were all pretty cold and tired coz we never made it to the award ceremony and after party. Instead, we took swigs of Absolut under the Brooklyn Bridge and then headed to C-town for comfort food. Mmmm. Definitely a great way to spend my weekend, but I think my Idiotarod fantasies have all been fulfilled. I'm retiring at the pinnacle of my sport.
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1 comment:
You always seem to shock me. So hilarious.
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