Hello friend

It's been so long since I blogged just coz, I'm almost not sure how to start. The reason I even visited my blog page tonight was because I wanted to see what I wrote "About Me". I needed a reminder about who I am, cos I think I used to be a happier person.

Don't get me wrong. I never regretted a single moment of being back in Singapore. Maybe teeny bits here and there, but largely, I believe I made the right choice. The reasons that I wanted to be home (family, community, roots) are still very real and I still hold these very dearly. Where I think I made the mistake was trying to chase the ideal.

I remember just over a year ago, I went back to the US for a friend's wedding. During the ceremony, she said to the groom, I'm so excited to be your wife!! I remember thinking to myself, I'd love to say that some day too. Fast forward a year later, I'm no closer to even thinking that.

I wanted it to work out so badly it's made me miserable. Like I said, I had an ideal in my mind of what things could have been and I've stuck to it religiously for over 2 years and 4 months. I think I'm just emotionally drained, and I'm sick of living up to all these standards and expectations. And I'm a little wee bit angry too.

I'm crawling out of my hole though the process is a bit slow. It's sickening to wallow in self-pity. I started looking at my blog again because they reminded me of things that made me happy. Never a bad time to create happy moments. :)